Query update: No update yet. Things are lightening up soon, though. Soon, friends. Soon.

I recently asked my friend to do a Tarot reading for me. I wanted to know what I could do to heal from all the shit that’s been heaped on top of me. After she did the regular reading, she tackled my question.

I got the world card. “It looks like you’re on the right track,” she said. “Sometimes you just need some time to unabsorb all the bad stuff you’ve been absorbing so that your soul can be clean.”

After the reading, I lay on the ground. I could start to feel my body and soul start to unabsorb the shitty stuff: the memories, the hurt, the fear, the feelings of unworthiness and loneliness. The feeling that no one loves me. The fear of being proven to be a failure.

I think all our souls have been absorbing a fair amount of shit, all the way back from white supremacy and colonialism. The particulates of hate have absorbed into us over the centuries and we carry them around with us. The stratified effects of Covid (and of everything in the world) along the lines of privilege have been absorbed into everyone’s souls.

It is important to take time and space to unabsorb the stuff that’s hurting us. And because absorbing is such a passive process, we may not notice all the shit we’ve absorbed. All the shit we carry with us. Unabsorbing may mean that we feel out of equilibrium, because our equilibrium is based on carrying all sorts of yucky stuff.

I’m finding that unabsorbing brings up feelings; all the absorbed stuff has dulled my feelings like a coat of dust. Unabsorbing means I feel more keenly, more freely. In short: unabsorbing hurts.

Unabsorbing means I can also take more risks and go for what I want. I can see more clearly and can make moves based on what I want, rather than trying to avoid what I’m afraid of. Unabsorbing means unpeeling the unconscious assumptions that I’ve been carrying along with me.

It leaves room for all the awesome shit that’s in store for me. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary. Will you unabsorb with me?

Featured image was created by the author using elements from canva.com.

Published by amy

Coffee-drinker, money-saver. Laughs at "that's what she said."

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