Query update: Nada. Sorry. I’m almost ready to get back at it.
It’s my week with the kids. And it’s also like a million degrees outside. So we’re all a bit on edge.
Work on my day job has eased, so I have less stress. But without the extra stress, I also don’t have as much to distract me from the mind-numbing dullness of parenthood.
Comedian Sindhu Vee explains it this way: “The biggest downside of having a small child is that they are very boring. They show you they love you by talking all the time. But everything they know, you already know.”
In my case, I already know that my youngest is hungry, as she has been hungry every single moment of every single day of the past seven years. Yet she still chooses to share this fact with me at random intervals throughout the day. I also already know that my oldest is tired and wants to play on the phone all day. This information continues being offered to me by my small humans.
I have talked about the mushroom work of parenthood. Tasks so unchallenging and repetitive that your mind has no opportunity to feel any sense of accomplishment. Laundry, vacuum, ramen, bedtime. Repeat.
I hear a lot of talk about how being a mom is the best thing in the world, and how it gives meaning to our lives. And, yeah, I guess so. But it also totally stinks on ice. Especially during a pandemic.
Since I’ve been single for the better part of a year, I’ve started taking steps toward finding grown-up company. That’s been going well, and it was only mostly as terrifying as I thought it would be. It’s a weirdly bifurcated consciousness: the mundane single mom life and the very un-mundane grown-up single life.
But for now, it’s a boring mom life. Sometimes it’s great and sometimes it’s terrible, but most of the time it’s just blah. And that’s okay. Let’s stop trying to make motherhood something more than what it is. It’s fricken’ hard work taking a human from a baby to an adult. As much as you try to anticipate how much work parenthood will be pre-gestation, you can never imagine the deep-soul hurt and bone-deep exhaustion that will be mainstays for your next couple decades.
And, sure, sometimes your kids say something hilarious. Or they make you the sweetest Mother’s Day card. Or their new outfit and haircut is so adorable you can’t even. That is totally valid. But the blah is valid too, and so is the anger and the frustration and the hurt.
Featured image was created by the author using elements from canva.com.