Last week, I broke my foot. Well, not actually broke my foot. I just fell on some ice and twisted it under me. It hurt a lot, and I was embarrassed. A driver stopped to help. Anyway, it all worked out and ended up fine, except for my fucked-up foot.
I was disappointed because I had gone on a short-term leave from work, and a large part of my leave plans were to go for long walks outside daily. We are in the dead of Canadian winter and it gets dark in the middle of the friggin’ afternoon. Daylight is precious and fleeting.
The day after my foot broke was sunny and beautiful. I was desperate to go outside. I felt like I was wasting time, wasting sunlight. I should be out there, listening to my audiobooks and getting my vitamin D. Instead, I was sitting on my couch watching reality shows on my laptop and asking my children to bring me food.
This recent grounding felt emblematic of my life recently. Stuck waiting for Covid to be over. Stuck waiting to feel comfortable in my new place. Stuck waiting for my foot to heal. And all the sunny days are happening outside, while I’m stuck inside.
It’s easy to get discouraged when it feels like you’re stuck. But it’s also important to remember that this isn’t the end. This may be an end, but it’s not the end.
Feet will heal. Our mental landscapes will adjust to our new place. Covid will go away. And the sun will rise again. There will be more sunny days that we will be able to enjoy more fully than we can now.
Although there is a big movement towards gratitude and mindfulness, it’s okay not to feel awesome about stuff. It’s okay to feel disappointed to not be able to do what you had hoped. When a sunny day comes around and your foot is fucked up, it’s okay to be upset. But you can temper that frustration with hope for the next sunny day. It will come.
Yesterday, I walked to my BFF’s house in the next community over from mine. The sky was wide-open and bright blue, with a brilliant sun. I walked and walked, listening to an awesome audiobook and glorying in the sunshine. My sunny day had come. And everything was just fine.
Featured image was created by the author using elements from canva.com.